Come to think of it, it’s a philosophical question but as most such questions do, it does have a bearing on our lives. What is more rewarding: a relentless material pursuit or walking the path of inner peace? While they are not mutually exclusive, we are required to prioritize one over the other. I mean, should we focus on being successful even if it means being ruthless and at the cost of our relationships (hopefully not our moral values and principles)? Or, should we settle for less and give greater preference to our family, passion, inner calling and so on? Tony Campolo, an American pastor born to struggling immigrant parents from Italy, briefly talks about the hardships his parents faced and the help they received from another pastor (whom Tony later met most unexpectedly) in his book. More importantly, he shares an interesting anecdote in Let Me Tell You a Story. A study done on mothers around the world asked the question, “What do you want your children to be when they grow up?” Mothers in Japan almost always answered, “We want our children to be successful.” The result is that the people of Japan have raised up a generation of the most success-driven children in the history of the world. They work harder and longer than any other people at any task assigned to them. They can be expected to excel in any activity they undertake. The way in which Japan recovered after World War II was largely due to the success orientation that was drilled into the children by their parents. When American mothers were asked exactly the same question, you can imagine what the answer was: “We want our children to be happy!” Happy?!?!?! You’ve got to understand, I was raised in an old-fashioned Italian family. I don’t think my father really cared whether I was happy. Oh, I suppose it was of concern to him, and I’m sure that he also wanted me to be successful. But if you had asked my father, and especially my mother, “What do you want your son to be when he grows up?” both would have answered, “We want him to be good!” Reading this story was Deja vu for me (as it might be for you too). I remember, when we were growing up, that’s all my mother ever prayed for. Whenever she would take us to any saint for blessings and so on, she would always say, “Please bless them so they grow up to be good human beings.” She told us that this was the most important thing in life: to be good. Everything else works itself out one way or the other, she would say. I read somewhere when I was a child, “It’s nice to be important but it’s more important to be nice.” I don’t deny that you have to protect and defend yourself at times, you can still do it without abandoning goodness. To think that being good is the same as being soft is misunderstanding goodness. (Four years ago, I wrote on the question of what is good based on Euthyphro by Plato. You can read it here). The way I see it, there are three core attributes of goodness: 1. Noble intention That my intention behind what I’m about to do is not to hurt, harm or injure anybody is at the root of goodness. That, what I harbor in my heart is not jealousy, ill will or hate towards anyone. Noble intention acts as a cleanser of your consciousness. That said, it is still the first step and is incomplete on its own, for real goodness is to help someone, to be of use to someone not merely in thoughts but in action too. Challenge comes when you want to do something positive but your loved ones may not support you. Is your intention still noble if your actions are helping some but hurting others? That is the real difficulty behind being good. It requires a choice to be made. In such an event simply remember that the primary intent behind noble intention is to help someone in need. When we act out of love, without any malice or venom, with a view of furthering ourselves on the right path or directly helping the other person, our intention is noble in that case. 2. Altruism Most of what we do is geared towards our own comforts and pleasures in life. Faster cars, bigger homes, latest gadgets, more investments and so on. When we choose to put our selfish interests on the backburner and make a decision with a certain degree of selflessness, putting others first, we are being good. There’s a beautiful Sufi saying which when translated would read something like: Kalyan tarana koi bahaduri nahin, laike dubade no taren …