There was a little girl Who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead; And when she was good She was very, very good, And when she was bad she was horrid. ~ H. W. Longfellow  We all have our quirks, things that make us tick or kick. Out of nowhere, our mood changes and negative thoughts run amok in our mind like raucous monkeys in a banana farm (try the visual, it’s fun). When we are good, we are so good that at times even we can’t believe our goodness, our large heartedness. And when we are bad, we can be so bad that the Satan might run for cover at our sight. We don’t want to think those things or feel that way, but we still do. Wonder why? I may just have the answer for you. Ramakrishna Paramahansa often used to narrate a short story. There was a man running to board a crowded train that had already started chugging along. Yet, panting and puffing, carrying a heavy bag on his shoulders, he managed to get in even though all the seats were taken. A few minutes passed, the train was well on its way and he kept standing with his bag on his shoulders. “You can put the bag down,” one of the co-passengers said. “Why?” he scorned. “What’s it to you? This is my bag!” “But you are on a train!” another said. “You can put it down rather than carrying the load!” The man, however, wouldn’t let go of it and travelled the entire journey standing with his bag on his back. Of course, he was being foolish and stubborn by not heeding the wise counsel. It’s not the story of just that man though. It’s our story. Each one of us is that man who is lugging around baggage we could do without. No baggage is heavy if you don’t have to move or carry it. What happens to us in our life does not make our lives heavy but that we choose to not drop it or put it aside does. Judith Sills in her bestseller Excess Baggage calls them our blind spots. We don’t recognize them even if we see them. Like an old piece of heavy furniture, they are in our way and we keep stubbing our toe. One of the classic signs of excess baggage is the firm belief that someone else or the other person is responsible for my misery. She beautifully differentiates how our behavior, beliefs and emotions create our baggage. I quote: First on the behavioral level, our excess baggage includes, among other things, our habits – all those guilty pleasures, devastating attachments, and knee-jerk responses that endanger our health, interfere with our productivity and/or offend the people we’d most like to impress. An all-inclusive list is nearly impossible because part of the magic of being human is our capacity to generate an infinite number of bad habits. … On the cognitive level, excess baggage refers to any unexamined values, beliefs or assumptions that make you sadder, more anxious, more frightened, or generally weaker than you would otherwise have to be. Belief baggage is the frame you’ve outgrown, a personal motto that no longer serves its purpose. For example, “Nice girls don’t talk about money” is a belief that worked perfectly well until nice girls joined the workforce and were matter-of-factly underpaid. Or take the belief “Men fix things” – a favorite of mine until my husband freed me of it. (Early in our marriage, the bathroom faucet had this irritating little drip. Finally I said: “You know, honey, the bathroom faucet has this little drip…” He unzipped his pants, pointed to himself, and said, “Judith, this does not make me a plumber.”) Baggage on the emotional level has to do with pieces of your past that interfere with pleasure and productivity in the present. These are old, powerful feelings that intrude on new situations. Our parents are the main focus of these feelings, especially their failings as parents and our own lingering disappointment or rage as a result of these failings. But an ex-spouse can generate an impressive amount of intrusive emotional baggage as well, as can siblings or other family members. … The source of all kinds of baggage is a consistent personality style. Given our individual personalities, we are more likely to have one or another kind of baggage… Our greatest weaknesses grow directly out of greatest strengths. Here are the five psychological traits of excess baggage that are usually governed by ruling passions. Under each trait, there’s a sentence in italics (taken from the same book by Judith along with headings) which shows how it’s both our strength and weakness. That awareness of when a particular trait of your personality is taking …